So you married a narcissist.
I did too.
It is pretty much the worst.
When you finally decide to get out, you realize it is the hardest thing you will ever do. You have to close the door on them completely. You have to lock it and deadbolt it. Build a brick wall and fortify it with a fire breathing dragon. You have to retreat to a castle on an island at high tied and wait it out.
For even if you open the door a sliver, peek in the peep hole or even look at the door the narcissist, like smoke, will seep in and lure you back in.
Recovering from a narcissist is a moment by moment event. Breath by breath. The further away in time you get away from the relationship the more you realize the control that was asserted over you and in that moment you will be overwhelmed with clashing emotions. You will feel the freedom, you will breath in the fresh air and you feel a wave of peace and it is in that moment that a rival wave of shame and embarrassment crashes over you.
It is an awful feeling. Everyone around you is looking at you wondering to themselves what you did wrong, and the narcissist is right there too with sad puppy eyes, hurt and wounded.
There will be a point when you are comfortable and free enough to talk about the parts about your relationship you think they will understand and when they begin to realize that you are the victim they will become even more confused. They are confused because they are trying desperately to apply logic to a problem that has no logic and again you find yourself alone and ashamed.
I know. I have felt all of those feelings, I have been in those situations.
I am eight months into my recovery. I have three amazing daughters that keep me going and awesome family supporting me.
But it is still a lonely path. So I decided to start this blog as a safe place for others to come and tell their stories, share their recovery and start moving on.
I will start with my own story, next time.
